Each time couples come to me for counseling, I am always surprised that some of them still cling tenaciously to old wife’s fables, when it comes to sex and sexuality.
Myth 1
For instance, a man told me that men who desire children should wear boxer-styled shorts and loose-fitting pants all the time, so that their testicles – the sperm-producing organs – are not constricted. But constriction is not the problem.
The truth: is that testicles are outside the body, because high body temperature may negatively impact sperm production. Therefore, wearing loose-fitting underwear is advisable. Men who are concerned about their fertility should also avoid staying too long in very hot weather.
The heat generated from laptops held in male laps can also cause low sperm count, which can make it difficult for them to father a child. It is always advisable that anytime a man wants to use the laptop, it should be placed on a desk or table. Of course, enlarged varicose veins in the scrotum, injury to the testicles, including damage done by bike-riding and so on, can also negatively impact on a man’s fertility.
Myth 2
Nowadays, many people mess around because they believe that sex with the same spouse could be boring. This is a pure lie.
The truth: Sex with the same spouse could be interesting if only you want it to be. Research shows that people who have been married for a long time have the most frequent and satisfying sex lives. That’s because committed couples trust each other enough to express their deepest desires. Moreover, the emotional connection established over the years allows for erotic levels of intimacy. Since sex is often as much about trust as it is about chemistry, long-term relationships offer the possibility of a high-quality (and high-quantity) sex life.
Myth 3
That men crave for sex more that women may not really be true, because many women want sex more than their male counterparts.
The truth: it’s not that women don’t crave a good erotic, breath-taking and explorative sex; it’s just that the mechanics of getting turned-on are a little more complicated for women than for a man. When a man wants to have sex, it’s the only thing on his mind. In women, the libido tends to be more easily distracted.
Therefore, for men to get more time in bed with their wives, they should simply try to be affectionate.
Myth 4
Some have said that good sex can make up for bad communication.
The truth: there is no truth in this because what is required is two-way communication, and not just a few sessions of hot and passionate sex. Communication meltdown and tense conversations occur when people feel threatened. Couples should do everything possible to make each other emotionally safe and appreciated. Deep emotional connection enhances good sexual connection.
Sex without good two-way communication between partners is mere second degree prostitution.
Myth 5
Most husbands believe that the best sex occurs when the man takes the lead as the head of the home, while wives are to submissively play along, so that they won’t be tagged ‘spoilt.’
The truth: No. Sex between couples is team work, and not a one-man show. As such, it’s most titillating when both partners are getting their needs met, and fantasies realised.
Research shows that the best sex is achieved when the man allows his partner to have a lot of influence over their love-making experience. Husbands should encourage their wives to express themselves about their wants and needs. Fulfilling another’s desires can sometimes be the secret to spectacular sex.
Most times, I tell husbands that they undermine the sexual capabilities of their wives while taking the lead all the time. Tonight, husbands, give your wife the opportunity to take the lead. You will be surprised that there is a humble tiger in her.
Myth 6
The belief that the best sex is spontaneous is relative, you never can tell.
The truth is that some of the best sex that couples have is scheduled and planned. Though it may sound routine, scheduled sex can be an advantage for a busy, sex-starved couple; waiting for that spur-of-the-moment escapade that sometimes never comes.
The appointment doesn’t necessarily have to be on date night; it can simply be something to look forward to on an otherwise-average evenings, once other members of the household are out of sight. Please, make sure they are really out of sight to prevent embarrassment.
Myth 7
It is a popular saying that sex should start when the husband gets an erection.
The truth; good sex for a woman often begins long before the moment of her partner’s full salute. It’s the gentle caresses and loving attitude that are essential to great sex for a woman.
Satisfying sex for both partners begins with foreplay, whether it is fast and fun or drawn-out and sensual. But men who give their wives affection throughout the day, make things pleasurable for them and act thoughtfully are more likely to be lucky most nights.
Myth 8
It is far from truth when people say that happy marriage means that couples won’t be tempted, especially when they occupy a high religious position.
The truth: most single ladies believe that the ‘ideal’ husband is a God-fearing man, or simply put, a ‘man of God.’ I often make them realise that even the so-called ‘God-fearing’ husbands are not exempted from temptations. They are, and will be tempted, because they do not walk around the place blindfolded. They see what every other person sees. It’s not the temptation that signals a problem in a man or woman in a marital relationship, it’s succumbing to it.
Every man faces temptations, no matter how healthy and strong his relationship with his wife is, or no matter how strong and powerful his relationship with God is. Whether he is a ‘man of God’ or ‘servant of God,’ a loving relationship can’t gag against flirtatious co-workers or attractive acquaintances. But men do have the ability to control their urges and prevent falling into temptations. Ask for the grace and strength to overcome such temptations.
Keeping the pictures of your spouse and family in your office, cell phones, wallets, and most importantly, in your heart could be a reminder of one’s relationship and commitment. Remember, the matter of the heart is the heart of the matter. Treasure your partner in the sacred place of your heart and no other person will be able to occupy that special space. (The Nation)
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